But bullies often question the adequacy of one employee by belittling their opinions and ideas. Several hallmarks of bullying behavior are the patterns of unfair behavior and the targeting of one or two people over and over again. A tough boss does not coddle people or tolerate excuses, but they are also willing to roll up their sleeves and help get the job done.
A tough boss protects their team from adversity within the company and supports them when needed. Meanwhile, a bullying boss is unfair and will sell their employees out to protect themselves. They also might blame others for failures while assuming complete responsibility for all successes.
They also show favoritism among employees and are very clear about who they have disdain for. They may yell, swear and even engage in name-calling. A tough boss cultivates teamwork and works toward bettering the company. They are willing to work just as hard, and sometimes even harder than their employees to get the job done. But a bullying boss is more interested in being in control and having power over other people. They are a power-hungry leader that thrives on having control over others.
They also take credit for things that they did not do and rarely acknowledges the successes of their employees. A tough boss holds all their employees to the same high standard but is inclusive in the process. As a result, no one feels less valued than another and everyone knows they have to work hard to succeed.
Meanwhile, a bullying boss often singles out one or two workers and humiliates and berates them in front of others. They also might ostracize them by excluding them from meetings and social gatherings. This type of behavior undermines the entire atmosphere of the office and makes teamwork nearly impossible.
Instead, employees focus on staying in the good graces of the bullying boss rather than focusing on the job at hand. A tough boss tells employees like it is. They do not mince words, but they are respectful in the process. Additionally, employees know that they can count on them, to be honest in all situations, even when the truth hurts. Meanwhile, a bullying boss is manipulative. They will control situations by spreading rumors or gossiping about others. They often pit one employee against another and encourage unhealthy competition.
If you find yourself in a situation where your boss is trying to bait you into an unhealthy conversation about another employee, do not take the bait. Maintain your beliefs and values while trying to determine how best to deal with your situation. If you believe your boss is bullying you, this is not an environment that you should try to live in. Remember, dealing with a bullying boss can be exhausting. It all centers on the motives of your boss; are they there to intimidate or to inspire?
A tough boss will insist that you work hard and give your best effort and submit high-quality work all the time. They will also insist you abide by workplace norms such as dress code and other organizational policies.
Their goal is to speak the truth in love so that you can be the best version of yourself. They also expect a healthy level of self-discipline, self-awareness, and self-restraint on the part of the individual. They desire exemplary followers who not only meet but exceed the standards. On the other hand, an abusive or bullying boss deliberately provides you with false or misleading information, humiliates you in public, calls you demeaning names, puts the blame on you and treats you like a servant.
They will steal your good ideas and attempt to "get you" if you don't comply with their demands. They are prone to public displays of anger and attack the person on a personal level rather than criticizing their work. They insist on passive followers who pledge blind allegiance. Caprino: Should an employee just grin and bear it? Or should harsh or abusive treatment be addressed?
Jones: Once you assess the degree of dysfunction, realize no amount of your talent is going to make things better.
In fact, sometimes it even makes it worse. Some individuals are adept at leaving all the nonsense at work when they leave the parking lot; others take it to a much deeper level. Another consideration is how much time you spend directly interacting with this boss. Are they geographically separated from you? Are you a dotted line versus direct report? And do you think this boss will eventually become secure in their leadership role and grow out of this juvenile behavior?
Much of bullying is rooted in insecurity. Do you think your boss has the potential to grow up and change? You also have to be able to look yourself in the mirror. Jones: If you have exhausted your chain of command, both internally and through HR, and gotten no proper response, it is time to cut your losses and leave the company.
Please remember that this is not a reflection on you personally. After all, who wants to compete with a rat? Begin documenting everything that happens—time, date, place, and witnesses, if there are any. Save every email, text, or other written correspondence you think backs up your case. Then schedule a meeting. The meeting should be confidential, and the results may vary. Mediation or more direct disciplinary action can also occur.
It depends. It really depends on the situation. Again, document everything. Finally, no one should ever touch you without your consent. Can I Win Them Back? Beth Castle is on staff at InHerSight, where she writes about workplace rights, diversity and inclusion, allyship, and feminism.
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