Clinical depression, Wright says, can come with "a flattened affect that doesn't allow people to physically feel their feelings despite a mental conception that they should feel sad ". This challenges a myth about depression — that it just means feeling sad all the time — when, in reality, some people with depression don't connect with their emotions at all.
In some cases, even identifying the urge to cry can be a challenge. Psychotherapist Karen R. Koenig , L. W, tells Bustle that emotional crying requires being in touch with your feelings, and people who repress or disconnect from their emotions may not recognize their internal triggers for tears.
Some people may struggle with crying because of internalized shame about tears. If you have a relative or role model who always held in their sadness and very rarely cried, or were always told off when you cried yourself, this may influence your crying behavior in adulthood. Inhibitions about crying can also be influenced by cultural beliefs, Wright tells Bustle. Social taboos around men crying , for instance, can make men hesitant to express vulnerability or negative emotions via a good cry.
Tears express vulnerability, so if we're in situations where we're afraid to be vulnerable, we may find ourselves scared to cry despite strong emotional reasons to do so. Koenig and Wright advise going to a therapist if your inability to cry is stressing you out even more. Annie Wright L. Karen R. Koenig L. Ed, psychotherapist. Bylsma, L. The neurobiology of human crying. If someone who is typically able to express their emotions by crying suddenly is unable to do so, it's important to rule out medical or ophthalmological causes, says Jenicka Engler , PsyD, a psychologist, neuropsychologist, and depression researcher in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
For some, the inability to cry may be caused by medications such as antidepressants , and psychologist Jameca Woody Cooper , PhD, suggests you speak with your health-care provider if feel you are unable to cry for this reason. The inability to cry "can also be experienced as a normal stress response for some people," similar to that of the fight, flight, or freeze trauma response, which many have experienced throughout this pandemic year.
These people tend to constantly repress their emotions—consciously and subconsciously—without acknowledging or processing them. This can be a temporary fix in distressing moments, "but it's a pretty maladaptive coping mechanism to put walls up between your inner emotional experiences, and it doesn't work well over time," says Dr. Another reason you may find yourself struggling to cry can be due to mental-health conditions such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder , and borderline personality disorder, Dr.
Engler says. Woody Cooper adds that "trauma can make the person and the brain, to some extent, shut down as if in protection mode," leading to a feeling of emotional numbness and the inability to cry.
There isn't a quick fix to reverse emotional numbness or the inability to cry, but there are ways to reconnect with your emotions. One way to better express your emotions and create an environment where it feels safe to release these emotions is to "bring emotional language to the forefront of your regular day-to-day experiences," says Dr. This means going to therapy, sharing your emotions with trusted friends and family, journaling , and using "I feel" statements, she says.
For people who find themselves wishing they could have an emotional release through crying, Dr. Woody Cooper says it's imperative you identify the reasons why you're cut off from that emotion. To do so, she suggests seeking therapy because it's likely that a traumatic event, or a series of traumatic events, led to the suppression of sadness and crying to an extent that may preclude you from feeling these emotions.
In addition to therapy, "one of the easiest ways to get a release of emotions and cry is to talk about and process your negative experiences and emotions with someone else," says Dr. Another option to help you become more in tune with your emotions and cry is to watch a sad movie or read a sad book, says Dr. Some people find it difficult to cry because of societal pressure or their internalised beliefs about crying. You may have subconsciously adopted these notions about crying in childhood.
As you grew up, you may have followed their example and held back your tears, even when you had a good reason to bawl. You may also have been swayed by cultural or societal beliefs. For instance, studies suggest that women typically cry more than men, and the difference may be more pronounced in countries whereby the culture allows for greater emotional expression.
Whilst they might seem harmful on the surface they can do a lot of damage. Let go of any outdated, untrue preconceptions you may have about crying and allow yourself to feel your feelings. If anything, leaning into our feelings is sometimes the only way we can move past them.
Tears are a release valve for overwhelming emotions such as sadness, stress, grief and even joy. So crying is never something you have to be scared or embarrassed about. The first step to labelling our emotions is to think about what prompted the feeling. Then think about what urges you feel. Do you want to shout and lash out? Or maybe you want to avoid people and withdraw from the world? Next, think about your thoughts and your body, as this will probably give you clues about your emotions.
No one expects you to cry every single time you feel sad or anxious. Some people find that having a good sob allows them to fully experience their emotions. All that matters is that you acknowledge and accept your feelings.
Because emotions can be messy, complicated and downright confusing sometimes. But they all serve a purpose — even the difficult ones. Here are a few different ways you can express them instead.
It might seem scary at first but talking to close friends or family is a great way to get in touch with your emotions. They might share similar thoughts, validate your feelings or simply offer a shoulder to cry on. Just make sure you both have time to properly connect, and pick a private place where you would feel comfortable if you do break down and cry.
Sometimes in life, we get so used to putting on the brakes that we forget how to let go and really experience our emotions. If this sounds familiar, it might be worth trying therapy. Eventually, you may find that your tears naturally start to flow.
We know just how soothing and cathartic tears can be.
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